Still hope until hope stills 


I wrote and entered this 500 word short story into a competition but I wasn’t successful and therefore I am now free to publish on my forums as I please….
Please share about and your comments are welcomed..

Still Hope Until Hope Stills 

Perspiring with heightened anticipation while I sit on what feels like the edge of the world but is just a toilet seat. Eyes half covered, peeping through my fingers eagerly waiting for the faint blue lines to emerge. Hyperventilating with excitement as a reel of ‘picture perfect’ family images run through my head, an idealistic mind-pocket of yearned for and desired memories. My excitement is palpable; the adrenaline is pumping and I struggle to call ‘my love’ and let him know our expectant news.

He’s mesmerizingly gorgeous. He has ten chubby fingers and toes, dark hair that is silky to touch. I’ve never seen rosy red lips more kissable and formed into a perfect pout. I lean forward and kiss them tenderly, inhaling his newborn baby scent and feeling overwhelmed and entirely in love. He has perfect tiny ears, every crease perfectly formed; I whisper “I love you! I hope you heard me tell you every single day from the moment I was granted the gift of your life to grow within me, I loved you then, I love you now, and I will love you always”. He lay swaddled in a fleecy blanket, laying still in my arms, perfectly formed and all ours, I kept telling myself ‘This can’t be real?’

‘This can’t be real?’ These words repeated in my head like a broken record. The graveyards eerie silence tormented me. I wanted to scream to break the deathly silence but I have no voice. I want to cry but all my tears have dried up. I want to run but my legs are paralysed with grief. I want to die, but my ‘Guardian Angel’ whispers to my broken soul that my life is worth living.

Perspiring with heightened anticipation while I sit on what feels like the edge of the world but is just a toilet seat. Eyes covered too scared to peep through to see the faint blue lines appear, nervous tears fill my eyes slowly gaining momentum as they glide down my cheeks staining my dress as they fall. A lump in my throat so large I struggle to swallow. Hyperventilating with panic and trepidation as memories from a previous nightmare run through my mind, ‘Pandora’s Box’ containing my sleeping angel is exposed. Fear clings onto my every word and my hand shakes as I struggle to call ‘my love’ and let him know our expectant news.

She is the most breathtakingly beautiful beloved baby girl. She has ten perfect fingers and ten tiny toes, ‘doll like’ in their proportion. Her porcelain skin is faultless in appearance. I speak softly into her tiny ears and whisper these words “I hoped I would love you, and I do, I never gave up hope, I hoped and prayed for your life. I loved you from the first flutter, I love you now, and I will love you always” I had to keep telling myself “This IS real; this IS our baby girl, this IS our ‘Hope’.”

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